Redneck Bowling 2010

Growing up, my family was a lot of things. Great things, really. But sporty? Or league bowlers?


As an adult we have continuously made fun of ourselves for this. And to commemorate our un-bowling-like life experience, we all go bowling together once a year.

Sunday afternoon, Dad, Anna-Margaret, Jacqueline, Lauren, Scott, Haleigh, Hannah, and I made our way to the truly adorable and redesigned Diamond Bowl on The Independence Square. For one thing, Diamond Bowl has FAB.U.LOUS food! Seriously. It’s small and a fun place to relax and make fun of those that you hold most dear.

Scott is a great bowler. These genes were passed on to his daughter, Haleigh. We all knew this going into the day, but I still felt the need to talk smack for hours leading up to the event:

“You all are my guests. I don’t want to embarrass you in front of everyone else, so I promise to hold back.”

“Oh shoot. I wish I hadn’t just put on hand lotion. It will certainly throw off my game.”

And my favorite, “It’s never wise to emasculate your man in front of others…”

On and on I dug the hole for myself.

A-M was in charge of writing down our names on the scorecard-overhead-thingy (did I mention I’m not a professional bowler?! Although A-M kept referring to what ‘aisle’ we were on…) She made up names for each of us:

Greta = Trixie
Hannah = Miss Lucky
Haleigh = Anastasia (her personal choice. Why didn’t iiii get a choice?!)
Scott = Joanne (A-M was making fun of his Joanne Fabrics gift card he received for his birthday.) But Scott insisted he should be called ‘Vito’
Anna-Margaret = Mrs. Jovi (let’s talk about her OBSESSION with Jon Bon Jovi)
Jacqueline = Shorty
Lauren = Goldie

Dad watched. (and laughed and pointed and made fun of….)

I was the first one up.
First bowl of the 2010 Event.
I picked up my cute pink bowling ball.
Held it purposefully.
Checked my mark.
Began my approach…


I was SHOCKED!!!! I gathered up my surprised face before turning around casually to greet the cheers and awestruck faces behind me and was immediately met by my loving and adoring boyfriend who looked me straight in the eyes and sweetly (NOT!) said,


We had a blast! No one was exempt from the jeering and name-calling that ensued. And yet we cheered loudly every time someone did well.

Scott took Lauren under his wings and showed her how to hold the ball and how to aim at the arrow-thingys (again…so NOT a bowler.)

It was all going well until Dad got a call from The Groves, the assisted living facility that Mom is living in. They said Mom’s temperature was not going down and she wasn’t eating anything. She’s been suffering from pneumonia for a week, and they were afraid it was getting worse. They were calling an ambulance.

A-M and I went with Dad to the hospital while Scott assumed Entertainment Chair for the rest of the evening. They finished the game we were on and bowled another game. He ordered food for everyone there. Then they went home and played a competitive game of Scene It Pirates of the Caribbean. Then watched the movie, Ratatouille and ate popcorn, etc.

A-M and I sat in the waiting room of the emergency room at Centerpoint Hospital. Selfishly, it was really wonderful to be able to sit and talk with my sister. No kids around. No family around. No one but two sisters, talking about life. That part was extremely enjoyable and long overdue.

In the end, the x-rays didn’t show signs of pneumonia, but they kept Mom overnight to hydrate her through IV’s and give her antibiotics to fight whatever infection was causing the spiked fever.

Getting back to my house, everyone dispersed to their various homes and Scott, Haleigh and I fell asleep knowing it was going to be a full day the next morning.

My last thought before drifting off to sleep was,

“If it hadn’t been for the emergency call, I TOTALLY would’ve won…….”

Perhaps I wasn’t alllllways a good sport about things…

The only time I was AHEAD during the whole game…


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