Team Edward vs. Team Jacob vs. Team Andes

I have been Vampire fodder lately.

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. I have certainly learned the definition of being caught in a Catch 22!!

Last month found me back in the ER for kidney stones. It was March 22 when this all started last year. The doctors all wanted to ‘wait and see’. But I am TIRED of waiting and seeing nothing!! Instead of the two kidney stones that I had last year in my right kidney, I now have multiple ones in both kidneys.

Sheesh.

Last month’s ER visit led me to a specialist. Dr. Wilson was the answer to my prayers. He took one look at my x-rays and said, “Let’s get rid of them.”

He handed me my x-rays and scheduled me for a lithotripsy treatment the next day. There are only two lithotripsy machines in KC, so I was lucky to be able to get right in.


I then went to my new doctor, Dr. Andes (yes, I picked her because I love Andes mints…) We talked about my blood pressure and she ordered some bloodwork for me to get drawn. BUT, she didn’t want to put me on any meds until I had my kidney stones figured out in case that was the cause of my high blood pressure.

I went in for my lithotripsy treatment. Mind you, I d.e.t.e.s.t. anything medical. Really. I am the biggest baby in the world when it comes to going to doctor’s appointments or anything remotely associated with hospitals. (Sidenote: If I’ve ever visited you in the hospital, know that I hated every minute of it and only did it for YOU!)

So there I am, chatting with Scott in the waiting room, waiting to be plugged up to some foreign machine and not knowing what’s coming up or what it all looks like (something I hate even worse than medical stuff: not being able to visualize what’s ahead of me.)

They call my name.
I not-so-bravely get up and go beyond the big double doors with the nurse.

Shortly after, Scott starts texting me:
What’s going on back there?
Can I come back?
Are you okay?
Ask someone if I can come back.

After the chatty, nice nurse gets my hooked up to an IV and gives me pain meds to ready me for after the surgery, she tells me to sit tight for awhile so everything can begin working. I timidly (after having already told her I will most definitely be her biggest baby patient today) asked her if my husband can come back and wait with me. “Of COURSE! I’ll go get him. What’s his name?”

A few minutes later I hear them coming toward my room. The nurse comes in and I see the visitors that are on her heels and say, “Now wait a minute!, I didn’t say anything about wanting a mother-in-law back here!” The nurse laughed a little nervously, not quite sure if I was joking or not.

And so Scott and his mother sat with me and we laughed and chatted up all the doctors and nurses that came in and out of my room. Joanne was my ‘comic relief’ so that my nerves didn’t get the best of me. It was an expensive way to get high and have a nice talk with my new mother-in-law. -ha.

After we’d waited quite some time, another doctor came in and talked to me…

My blood pressure was too high. They were afraid to start anything for fear it would go even higher.

ugh!

Unplug.
Bandage up.
Get dressed.
Go home.
Kidney stones firmly in place, no doubt laughing at their momentary triumph, with their ‘Home Sweet Home’ sign still out on the porch of my kidneys.

Then I went in this week to have my bloodwork done, only to find out that it couldn’t be done as ordered on the sheet (when it was written it was under the assumption the lithotripsy would be done by then.)

Think Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes:
I called my doctor and talked to her WONDERFUL nurse, Paula. “Look!”, I pleaded. “I’m a 45 year old woman who has been fasting for 13 hours now. DON’T make me waste another loss of breakfast over a technicality!”

Recap: I couldn’t get my kidney stones taken care of because I had high blood pressure. I couldn’t get my blood pressure under control until I got rid of my kidney stone.

Catch 22. All doctors were trying to figure out which came first, the chicken or the egg!!

After explaining this all to Paula, she made a call and I finally got my blood taken from a rather disgruntled phlebotomist.

Then, Dr. Andes immediately put me on bp meds.

Now I wait two weeks.
Check my bp regularly.
And once it’s leveled off, I reschedule my lithotripsy treatment.

Dang! – Getting old sucks.

So now my life consists of one of these. A sure sign of old age:

Stay tuned.
NBC is thinking about a mini-series…

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