those early morning moments

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Our bedroom is small, but surrounded by windows. The morning light rolls into our room with tsunami-like force. As a result, we seem to wake with the rhythms of the sun; surely the way we were all created to coexist with our world. Many mornings I wake early and lie there wrangling my thoughts, leading them through the foggy morning mind. The mirror picks up the light, shining it down on our soft sheets, casting hope in the still first moments of the day. As my mind wrestles with coherency, my first thought is always, “Where is he this morning?” I grapple quickly to remember. Since you work on a rotation, it generally takes me a minute to remember if you’re on a train heading away from me or on a more gracious train that is delivering you back home soon. The most pleasant feeling of all is when I realize you are quietly resting right next to me, the luckiest mornings of all.

I have never fully realized the importance of those initial few minutes of each morning. When you’re in town, my soul starts for just a moment until I remember you’re here, then everything settles within me. My breathing slows and my heart smiles. This will be another morning shared together.

We have never acknowledged our first morning moments; too afraid to jinx them with obligation, I suppose. Yet religiously each morning, you roll over and smile. A smile that simultaneously makes my heart sing wildly while wrapping me in a warmed shawl of quiet affection.

“Good morning, sunshine,” you speak through the smile, adding a sincere “I love you” just in case I forgot it during the night.

No wonder I miss the mornings when you are gone. Those first opening moments of my day set the tone for the hours ahead. So many of the mornings in my past I woke to a jolting alarm or a needy child. Yet our gift these days is that of a slow morning ritual. Sleepy morning talks. The indulgence you allow for me to linger in bed while you get up, start the coffee and begin warming my chai tea. You open the porch doors to allow the air to refresh and begin circulating life through our home for a new day.

Our daily routines are filled with work, house obligations, financial decisions and adventurous time off. We go strong all day long.

But the time I cherish most are those early morning moments spent waking up to a shared life. Those beautiful, heartfelt words you gratuitously hand to me each morning.

“Good morning, sunshine.”
“I love you.”

—–

from the series, Note to Self

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